Sometimes you’re too busy to see what makes you stressed — and often, it’s really easy to fix. In this article, I would like to share my story of falling behind schedules and hating the whole world, and how I managed to get myself out of bad patterns. In short, the answer would be — by giving myself time.
Working remotely and having more of a free schedule, I can decide when to start my 8 working hours every day. However, I have meetings with people that I need to attend, and usually they start at 11 AM. I used to start my day around 10 am, quickly rushing into the shower, quickly preparing breakfast — or just eating some cookies with coffee. I arrived to the 11 AM meeting already charged with caffeine, but not with calories.
Recently, I felt that so many things are wrong with this approach. I’m gonna explain why, but first, I’m going to list some of the negative effects I have experienced after I’ve lived the described lifestyle for around three months.
- I was constantly in a hurry. In the morning, I felt that time is slipping through my fingers. I wasn’t very happy to start the day because I knew how many tasks I have and how difficult if would be to focus.
- I started a lot of meetings without a camera, cause I didn’t have makeup or even work-suitable clothes on. Imagine your productivity levels when you start your daily business in pajamas.
- Half of the times, I started my working day hungry, and breakfast followed somewhere at noon. Other times, I snacked some quick food that did not nourish me like a normally prepared home breakfast would. My tummy wasn’t happy: I started going to the toilet more rarely, and I felt like my body was filled with dry junky food that is difficult to digest. Poured on with coffee, of course.
- I was constantly stressed and I was angrily noticing all the things that did not work well and stood in my way — an Internet connection that did not work when I was about to enter a Zoom meeting room; the laptop which was discharged and my wire was somewhere in the apartment and I had no idea, where. Have you ever noticed that when you’re in a hurry, so many things go wrong? That’s exactly what I used to feel every single morning.
- My concentration levels were almost non-existent. My brain was jumping between household tasks left unhandled (like laundry, breakfast, dirty kitchen surfaces), personal care that was postponed (morning skincare routine that didn’t happen, wearing random clothes) and a pile of work tasks which grew and like a snowball.
As a result, I was late on half of the projects I had to deliver and I didn’t know where to start to sort things out. I had fights with my partner over tiny household matters that were so miserably small that in a normal life situation, I would never let them stand between us and make our relationship less happy. But trapped inside this cycle, I felt that there is anger in me all the time, and that even the smallest trigger can freak me out and make me shout, swear or cry.
One day this lifestyle got me into a situation where I was sitting alone on the couch in my lounge zone where I usually work, hugging my knees and understanding that I can’t do anything at all. It was an afternoon, I had to submit one important video that wasn’t even halfway done. It was already late and I’ve missed the good hours in the day when the lighting is still nice. My computer was connected to mobile internet that was switching off every five minutes — because in that daily rush I always postponed buying a new wifi router. I was having a fever from a sore throat that I developed simply from caring little about my health during the latest week. I was tired, I’ve done zero productive things during the day, and I was feeling so frustrated that I was praying anyone does not talk to me or I will burst into tears.
This moment changed a lot. I understood I need to stop. I understood I need to manage my health and take medicines. I called my doctor and asked my partner to go to the pharmacy and buy the prescribed medicines for me. I stopped working, went to bed and just started watching a TV show to distract myself. I took the medicines and had a good night sleep. I understood that I will no longer do this to myself.
Next morning I was alone in the apartment. Now, I realize how important it is to spend time with yourself once in a while. Suddenly, all the negative patterns and traps I got into during the last few months dawned on me. I realized that I was running a rat race without even trying to wake up and get conscious about what I was doing.
This was the first morning I took three hours in the beginning of the day to get myself ready for the actual day. And I immediately felt better.
I went to the living room and kitchen, which is one connected zone in our apartment. I took time to clean all surfaces — slowly, in a meditative mode. I’ve put all the dishes left from yesterday into the dishwasher.
I felt that with my sore throat, taking a shower is the last thing I want to do, but I knew that I will be unhappy and miserable all day long if my hair isn’t washed. I was cheering myself up with good words I was telling myself inside my head. I didn’t rush and I didn’t want to do everything at once — for the first time in three months. I did my morning skincare ritual slowly.
Then, I went to the kitchen to prepare something I really wanted to have for breakfast. I listened to my intuition when preparing food. I didn’t go for a quick option. Instead, I prepared myself some of my favorite salmon, a cucumber salad, a toast and some camembert cheese. I found an interview on YouTube that I wanted to watch for a few days, but couldn’t - because of being busy. I turned off all notifications. I felt that I forgot how good it is — to take food consciously. To taste it. To get that pleasant feeling of nourishing your body.
Then I took time to clean everything and arrange my laptop, mouse, light, microphone, camera correctly in my workspace. I wore clothes I wanted to wear. I did my makeup. I called my mother and spent some time in a call with her, without hurrying and telling her that I will call back in the evening.
All these simple things done with having enough time actually calmed me so much that afterwards, when I started my work day, I managed to do as many things during the day as I used to do in a week. I felt that everything is in place. I felt that the space around me is serving me and not distracting me. I felt that everything around me is taken care of, and, most importantly, I myself am taken care of.
The lesson I learned from this story is simple — I need time in the morning to take care of myself and my surroundings to be happy, productive and calm. This is how it works for me. Maybe, other people thrive when they’re in a rush. Maybe, someone else is feeling good after starting the day without breakfast. I don’t — and there’s nothing wrong with it. The key is to find out what makes you feel good, and not compromise it. Only this way, we are able to be balanced, productive and satisfied over long periods of time, without burning out and getting into depression and self-sabotage.
Stay healthy and shine bright!
Ksenia
